Y'all! Now I'm freaking out about not knowing if I have an ovulatory dysfunction. And stressed out that Dr. H's office is saying the "most information" would come from having an ultrasound series done there in Omaha, but I do not want to shell out more money for a hotel stay for a week or so for a 20 minute appointment every other day, and I don't want to be away from my husband for that long. Several people commented about possibly having the series done locally and having the dvd sent to Dr. H. I have e-mailed them to see if they are ok with that. I mean, can't he give detailed orders on what to look for? And, what is the treatment for it if I have it? I would assume the clomid and hcg would take care of it, but who knows.
I hate feeling stressed like this. And I think my husband is just about tired of all this stuff. It's been four years. I was talking to him last night about what I read on the internet about LUFS and was telling him I was worried about whether I had it. And he said, "who knows?" in an exasperated tone. I think he feels like we're just taking shots in the dark. He was really upset that we were not pregnant this month. And, I was too. I think we both assumed that after going through the surgeries in Omaha and taking all these drugs, that things would fall into place and voila, pregnant! But, no.
And, while I am on a rant, it really sucks to hear about people who are having their babies wham bam thank you ma'am through IVF. I know it is immoral and we would never do it, but it just stinks to do things the "right way" and not have it work out, while those who are doing immoral things are "rewarded."
Sigh. I also feel stressed about my diet and wondering if I am eating the right things. There is no definitive source on the anti-inflammatory diet. I have read things saying that coffee has anti-inflammatory properties, but then Dr. H's office says to stop all caffeine. Sometimes I just feel like the whole world is off limits and I have to live in a bubble. It sucks seeing my husband enjoy candy and sodas and I'm stuck with my stupid apple and filtered water.
Oh, and last night I was at Wally World, and got so irritated about the fact that there was a couple in front of me with a pack of condoms in their items they were purchasing. Really? Really people? Here I am trying my hardest, and you people are taking your fertility for granted? So frustrating!
Lord, help me get rid of all these feelings and to be hopeful that what we have been doing for the last 5 months will work. Have mercy on me. Please grant me peace.