Monday, November 21, 2011

Great. (said sarcastically)

Y'all!  Now I'm freaking out about not knowing if I have an ovulatory dysfunction.  And stressed out that Dr. H's office is saying the "most information" would come from having an ultrasound series done there in Omaha, but I do not want to shell out more money for a hotel stay for a week or so for a 20 minute appointment every other day, and I don't want to be away from my husband for that long.  Several people commented about possibly having the series done locally and having the dvd sent to Dr. H.  I have e-mailed them to see if they are ok with that.  I mean, can't he give detailed orders on what to look for?  And, what is the treatment for it if I have it?  I would assume the clomid and hcg would take care of it, but who knows.  

I hate feeling stressed like this.  And I think my husband is just about tired of all this stuff.  It's been four years.  I was talking to him last night about what I read on the internet about LUFS and was telling him I was worried about whether I had it.  And he said, "who knows?" in an exasperated tone.  I think he feels like we're just taking shots in the dark.  He was really upset that we were not pregnant this month.  And, I was too.  I think we both assumed that after going through the surgeries in Omaha and taking all these drugs, that things would fall into place and voila, pregnant!  But, no.  

And, while I am on a rant, it really sucks to hear about people who are having their babies wham bam thank you ma'am through IVF.  I know it is immoral and we would never do it, but it just stinks to do things the "right way" and not have it work out, while those who are doing immoral things are "rewarded."  

Sigh.  I also feel stressed about my diet and wondering if I am eating the right things.  There is no definitive source on the anti-inflammatory diet.  I have read things saying that coffee has anti-inflammatory properties, but then Dr. H's office says to stop all caffeine.  Sometimes I just feel like the whole world is off limits and I have to live in a bubble. It sucks seeing my husband enjoy candy and sodas and I'm stuck with my stupid apple and filtered water.  

Oh, and last night I was at Wally World, and got so irritated about the fact that there was a couple in front of me with a pack of condoms in their items they were purchasing.  Really?  Really people?  Here I am trying my hardest, and you people are taking your fertility for granted?  So frustrating!  

Lord, help me get rid of all these feelings and to be hopeful that what we have been doing for the last 5 months will work.  Have mercy on me.  Please grant me peace.   


  1. I am so sorry that you are so frustrated! I was able to get my ultrasound series done in NJ which was so much closer (and only a seven hour drive rather than twenty!). Sometimes the reality of life happens and you can't go to Omaha. Hopefully Dr H can send instructions so you can have your series done locally. In the end you need to do what you are confortable with!

  2. I'm so sorry for you! I've thought the 'you're being immoral and we're doing it right' thing before and it's so frustrating!!

    I hope that things start turning around and that you don't have to witness anyone else buying condoms or talking about how horrible getting pregnant would be (I hate those people the most.)

    Prayers for you.

  3. I'm so sorry! I've been in your shoes with my thoughts many a time. I know the frustrations. Praying you get approval for the ultrasound series close to home and that you and DH have extra measures of peace and reassurance that you are on the right track during this long time of waiting.

  4. I know exactly what you mean about doing things the "right" way and not getting anywhere, when those doing IVF seem to get pg again and again. Sigh :( Such a hard cross to carry.

    As for the ultrasounds, I know that Dr H and PPVI will not refer to anywhere other than PPVI, except for the NaPro Dr's office in NJ who studied with them and learned to do it exactly the way they do. (This also happens to be the office where I work.) Not sure where you're located, and if NJ would be an option for you. But I'd be happy to host you if you did want to consider it.

    As for referrals with explicit instructions, trust me, I have seen it again and again and again where the most detailed, EXACT instructions are given but not followed by imaging centers, hospitals, even fertility clinics. They just don't understand what it is we are looking for, and ultimately end up botching the reports and the scans. The most crucial reason for not having it done elsewhere is that if we miss even ONE day, it can upset the entire series, and we can miss all the diagnostic information we need. Most places are not open on weekends. And all places are not open on Sundays. Except NaPro. We do ultrasounds on weekends (including Sunday) and even holidays if needed. It's THAT important that we see every step of the ovulatory process.

  5. Thank you for the great advice TCIE, and the offer to host me. I live in Arkansas, so that would be quite a drive to NJ. That's good advice about missing days. I had not thought of that.

  6. Yes, I can SO TOTALLY understand your frustration with doing all the right things ... surgeries, diet, drugs ... and still feeling like its all a shot in the dark with no success. I feel that way too. Its like a dagger to the heart being "lapped" by others (high school classmates, friends, your younger sister's friends) and you're holding your breath waiting to see who's going to be pregnant next. Its so darn frustrating.
    I've "fell off the wagon" with the Endometriosis Diet / Fertility Diet too. I was mad (like you) at hubby not eating what I was eating ... b/c he can't "sacrifice" too.
    Its ok to feel what you're feeling. Not every day will be a good day. You're in my prayers as I ask God to give you answers and lift you up during this time. (((HUGS)))

  7. Praying for you my friend! I am so sorry! I totally understand how frustrating it can be after each failed cycle.. I too have been worrying about LUFS. Are we in control?? God definitely has something great planned for us beyond our comprehension. Hang in there even it seems impossible..

    I hope you can get the U/S series done locally.
    I haven't been following any diet and haven't eliminated caffeine though I really want to do something and eat super healthy. But then I think of all those who get pregnant so easily without having to make any changes in their lifestyle. Praying that God gives you peace.

  8. Right there with you, sorry things are so frustrating right now. Holding you close in prayer!

  9. Wishing I could make things easier for you and saying many prayers for you.

  10. I will let you know what Dr. Keefe tells me about my local ultrasound series. If she doesn't get the pictures she needs then I may be making another trip to Omaha as well. Will it ever end?!?! Prayers!

  11. That can be so frustrating when you see people taking for granted what you most desire...I remember those feelings all too well! It still makes me sad to see people take it for granted, or to see people abuse it (like IVF). I bet you could get that ultrasound series done elsewhere as long as the person who does it is well there a Napro clinic in your area? That would be a good option, those ultrasound techs should know just what to look for.