Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Picture updates

Here are pics from over the last couple of months.  I forgot to note how many weeks each of these photos are, except for the most recent one:
The crib!

Starting to show

a little more growth
And a little more
And a little bigger!

23 weeks!

Monday, July 30, 2012

My thoughts over the last several days

I have been thinking a lot about the whole c-section thing since my doctor's appointment last Friday.  Pretty much all of Friday, I was in tears every time I thought about it.  A panicky, anxious kind of crying.  The idea of laying there awake while my guts are cut open and I can feel them pulling and tugging, oh God.  It's barbaric and scary.  I think I need to see a counselor or psychologist who works with overcoming fears if I am going to be able to go through this.  

Second, I keep questioning whether my doctor was insisting on the c-section or just trying to convince me and get my OK.  I feel like I need to schedule a meeting with him to go over it again.  Is there any room for compromise?

Third, I am so worried about the adhesions issue.  Dr. H did such great work last year taking care of my crazy adhesions. They were all over the place, so of course I am predisposed to getting adhesions.  I want more children in the future.  If I have the c-section, that is likely to leave me with adhesions, which will put me right back in my infertility fight.  If I could just have the adhesions issue out of the equation, I know that would make the conception of any future babies a lot easier.  So, I see two risks or options.  In the first, if by some chance I could convince the doctor to let me try a vaginal birth, there is the slight risk (I am guessing 3% chance), that there could be a uterine rupture, and he would have to perform an emergent c-section.  In such an emergency situation, he's not going to have time to take steps to minimize adhesion formation.  However, there would be a 97% chance he wouldn't have to do the c-section.  

Option 2, with a scheduled c-section, maybe I could get him to agree to follow certain techniques to minimize adhesions.  I did e-mail Dr. H's nurse at the beginning of my pregnancy to ask what I could ask my doctor to do to help minimize adhesions, and they replied back to ask the doctor to use a two-layer uterine closure and ask her/him to close all layers-especially the peritoneum and bladder flap.  That seems to be in accord with this discussion I found online: http://www.zsxmedical.com/resources/Diamond.html

I also found this website for an adhesion barrier product: http://www.csectionhealing.com/adhesion-prevention.aspx

And, I came across a reference to a journal article describing Dr. H's research and near adhesion-free surgery.  The article is called "Near Adhesion-Free Reconstructive Pelvic Surgery: Three Distinct Phases of Progress Over 23 Years", but I can't find free access to it anywhere on the internet.  Anyone happen to have a copy?  I'd like to see if any of those techniques might be able to be used during c-section.  I'd like to discuss those things with my doctor, too.  I hope he doesn't get offended, but I just want to make sure we do everything we can to prevent me having to have another surgery (or surgeries) to correct damage done during a c-section.  

So, go with a scheduled c-section where hopefully my doctor will use techniques designed to reduce chances of adhesions?  Or, take the 3% chance that I will need an emergency c-section where precautions would be thrown out the window?  Of course, this all assumes that I even have a choice.  After Friday's appointment, I don't know what to think.  Was he insisting, or persuading?  If persuading, that means I have a choice.  But, I don't want to make a stupid choice.  

Friday, July 27, 2012

23 weeks checkup and the dreaded "C" word

Hi all!  Just got home from my 23 week checkup and everything is still looking perfect (oh, except for the fact that my progesterone has consistently been in zone 2 despite 200 mg shots twice a week, but oh well). Baby's heart rate was 158, and the belly measurement was "perfect."  I haven't gained any weight since last time, though, so hmmm.  I guess because I can't have any junk food because most junk foods have wheat, and I'm supposed to limit sugar according to my food sensitivity testing?  

Now for the distressing and sad news.  My doctor finally reviewed the op report from my myomectomy and says he recommends a c-section.  If it was his daughter, he'd recommend the same thing, yadda, yadda, yadda.  So, for now, I've got to get my mind around that and the fear of it.  I think my biggest concerns are, besides the inherent risks of the surgery itself, 1) the doctor "messing up" all the work Dr. H did last year to get rid of the adhesions ( I want to have more babies and really don't want to have to have more surgery to remove adhesions to have the next baby to then have to have a c-section, and thus a never ending cycle of surgery); 2) how in the world do I take care of myself after such a major surgery, plus give excellent care to my baby; 3) how is this going to affect breastfeeding?  

Yes, I know, it supposed to be for the best because by chance, which I think is a miniscule chance, my uterus could rupture and we could both kick the bucket.  But, I'm still not happy about this and I still think my body could handle natural birth.  This really sucks and it's making me cry.    

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Wit's end

I am just about at wit's end with my husband, his diverticulitis, and constant random complaints of "stomach pain."  Ever since he had a very mainstream, pro-surgery gastro tell him to just go ahead and have part of his colon removed, he is complaining more and more.  That doctor had no respect for diet and even said he would rather have his own colon removed that give up steaks.  Obviously, his advice is not something to act on without getting several other opinions.  

I really feel like my husband is attention seeking and that in his mind, having surgery will get him more attention. Well, I won't stand for it.  Him having surgery will just be further burden on me.  I'm the one who will have to deal with a whiny complainy patient who won't take his medicines and won't exercise.  I am the one who will have to make sure he is eating only what the surgeon says he can have and fight with him when he tries to eat his favorites.  I am the one that will be stuck with the medical bills.  I'm not having it

Having part of your colon removed just so you can eat whatever you want is insane.   Good grief.  How much have I sacrificed because of endo and IF?  Can he not make some small sacrifices for his own health and life?  I have taken us to a naturopath who has done food sensitivity testing and recommended various supplements for us.  I have dutifully ordered everything she suggested and put it all in little pill boxes so that it should be easy for him.  I am constantly finding that when I go to take my supplements, I find that he skipped his.  It is so damn frustrating! And, I happened to get up this morning before he left for work just so I could physically bring his meds to him and watch him take them.  He has one supplement that is a powder that is mixed with water.  I brought that to him with his pills, and he tried to tell me the powder stuff gives him a "stomach ache."  I was about to go through the roof.  But, I calmly as I could explained to him that nothing in there could cause him a "stomach ache" and that everything in it is designed to sooth his intestinal issues.  So, he takes it, and tells me to take note of the fact that he took it, as if he is going to have himself a little "stomach ache" later today and "show me" that he can't take the stuff.  So, I noted to him to take note that he also had a cup of coffee this morning, and coffee is a food that he is sensitive to. So, there. 

Y'all.  I am so tired of all this that I sometimes think of just leaving.  I even put together a healthy breakfast for him.  A banana and a slice of double fiber bread with natural PB and simply fruit jam with added fiber.  He takes the freaking toast and leaves the banana.  Aaargh!!!!!  Like he can't possibly eat the banana because he'll be so full from the toast.  Whatever.  He probably is going to eat donuts at work.  

I even bought him soy milk because he is not supposed to have dairy (severe reaction to whey).  Has he tried it?  Nope!  I have even tried it and it tasted good and I reported that to him, but he still stubbornly refuses to try it.  I was going to put it in his coffee this morning, but he came into the kitchen before I could do so.  Dang it!

I am tired of having to mother him, but the alternative is let him do whatever he wants and ultimately he goes in for a major surgery to remove part of his colon. And who pays for that, both emotionally, physically, and financially?  Me!  He will be even worse to deal with after having surgery. This is a man who blows every little ache and pain out of proportion.  Can you imagine what he would be like after surgery?  

So, any advice?  I'm tired of this.  And, this is a time when I should be happily preparing for baby and taking care of myself and the baby.  

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Tiny bumper car

Since last Sunday, I have been feeling the baby move pretty regularly.  I know people have described that feeling a lot of different ways, but to me, it feels like there's a tiny bumper car bouncing around in there.  The feeling is amazing!  Every time it happens, I just smile and wonder whether it was a hand, or a kick.  Last night, my husband even got to feel it.  We had just gotten back from dinner and were watching some tv and having some dessert and I felt like the whole baby was over on the left side.  So, I had him place his hand there, and within a few seconds, boom!, a move strong enough that he could also feel it.  It was so cute seeing the excitement in his face.  I think it's the coolest thing that he's ever experienced, and I'm so glad that we're finally getting to experience it.  

I need to post a bump pic, but I don't have the camera with me right now.  I guess I'm still pretty small because I had a woman flabbergasted today when I told her I was due in November.  To me, I think I am pretty huge, because I know what I normally look like, but to outsiders, I seem tiny.  I guess that's good!  

We finally ordered a crib and dresser last week.  We looked around at several places, including Ta.rget, wal.mart, a fancy shop here in town, and online at PB kids, and ultimately decided to go with PB kids.  They were less expensive than the fancy shop in town, but just as nice.  And, I got an e-mail today that the items I ordered are in route and scheduled to be here by Wednesday!  Yeah!  I can't wait to see the room start to come together.

We also started our baby registry at Ta.rget, and went to a cloth diapering workshop today at a local natural parenting store and started our diaper registry there.  So, I think we're pretty much set.  Except, I'm still waiting for my doc to review my op report from my myomectomy to let me know if he's okay with me trying natural birth.  I hope so.  I would love to avoid more surgery.  Once I know what he's going to let me do, then I need to sign up for birthing classes and baby CPR.  I assigned husband the duty of figuring out the whole vaccine debate and what we're going to do about it.  

Oh, there's still the matter of picking out a name.  We have to pick out both a girl name and a boy name since we are not finding out what we're having.  I think we're set on the girl name, but we just cannot agree on the first name for a boy.  The middle name has to be Gerard, so that's easy. But, every time we start talking about the first name, he doesn't like names I like, and I don't like names he likes.  Sigh.  We'll probably be in the delivery room still undecided on a boy name.  Maybe that means we're having a girl?  I hope so!  I would love to have a girl.  They are so sweet and all the clothes are so cute!  

Well, that's about it for now.  Off for a nap and hopefully more bumper car bounces in my belly.  :)

Monday, July 9, 2012


I just got back from a week-long vacation in Louisiana visiting my mom and the rest of my family.  It was a fun get-away, but when I returned, GREAT news was waiting in the mailbox:  PPVI is now "in-network" with BCBS.  Yahoo!!!!!!!!  No more paying 40% out of pocket.  Now only 20%.  What a relief!