Look who I met today!

There was a "World's Largest Baby Shower" going on today and we decided to go and maybe score some free stuff.  But, it was so ridiculously crowded that all the free stuff was gone fifteen minutes after the event opened.  But, I got to meet a maternal fetal medicine specialist that just moved to town, who I tried to get an appointment with last week but was told I had to have a referral, and he said I could just drop by and he'd take a look at the op note from my myomectomy from 5 years ago and let me know his thoughts on whether I can have a natural birth.  Awesome!  Free medical advice here I come!

We also got a brief lesson on cloth diapering, which I have been wanting to do, and now feel more confident that I can do it.  

And, drum roll, we got to meet this nice lady:

She was super sweet and so gracious.  A person you just want to hug.

All in all, a good day, except for the slightly nauseous feeling I get every afternoon around 3ish.  Sipping Sprite and eating Kashi crackers seems to help, so I will keep that up.  I bought ginger tea bags the other day, and those only made things worse.  Yuck!  If anyone wants some ginger tea bags, I have a whole box full I'll be glad to send you!  

5 and a half weeks and counting

This pregnancy, early as it is, is kicking my butt.  I feel like Bella looked during most of the last Twilight movie.  I would also liken it to when I had mono as a kid where I was in bed for 2 weeks straight.  I have this debilitating fatigue.  I am taking 2-3 hour naps during the day, and still feel like I could just sleep the whole day away.  Also, I gagged on a piece of halibut the other night, and since then I have been constantly icky feeling.  Needless to say, I don't think I'll have another piece of fish until after the baby is born.  Oh, and the smell of broccoli made me queasy the same night of the fish incident.  So, horrible as it is, I went to st.eak. and sh.ake and got a cheeseburger, fries, and milkshake.  None of that is on the anti-inflammatory diet, but I guess that has to go out the window so I can get some kind of food down.

I could probably deal with the food issues if I just had energy.  But, I don't even dare have any caffeine.  No way.  Not jeopardizing this pregnancy one bit. 

So for now, I guess I will continue moving around in a daze and eating the junk food from my childhood.  I feel awful feeling bad about the fatigue, knowing how much I have wanted this baby for so long, and how much we have sacrificed for this.  And, I would not trade this pregnancy at all for feeling good.  But, I am a wimp.  As much as I like to think how strong I am, I am truly a big ol' wimp.  Offering this all up for you, prayer buddy.  :)   

Fantastic!

The other day after Mass, we told our priest, and he was so excited and happy for us.  He has given me the Anointing of the Sick several times for my surgeries, and knows how much I have struggled with this cross.  He mentioned there was a special blessing he needed to do for me, but he had to find it.  I thought, great, and then forgot about it.  Well, this morning, I found this on the Register's web page:  http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/vatican-approves-rite-for-the-blessing-of-a-child-in-the-womb/

I cannot wait for the language to be finalized and for this baby to receive the blessing!  How awesome is that?  I love it!

No wonder

Now that this is all sinking in, no wonder I was taking naps every day for the last couple of weeks, getting up in the middle of the night to pee, and I broke down and cried in a restaurant on Sunday afternoon because the pizza they brought me was all oily and slimy.  LOL  I made a huge scene at the restaurant, sobbing with the napkin covering my face.  The waitresses apologized that their food made me cry and offered us whatever we wanted on the menu for free.  LOL  Now you know how to get free meals!  Have a crazy lady cry!

So, now that I know it's all because of pregnancy, I don't feel so bad about those naps.  I just got up from a 2 hour one, and I had to force myself to get up.  But, I feel like I could go back to bed and just sleep all night!  

I think it's totally crazy how I thought I had started my cycle on Monday, sent my chart off for cycle review, started making plans to go to Omaha for an ultrasound series, and even bought a nonrefundable plane ticket so that my husband could fly from Omaha to Dallas for a conference he has to go to.  Oops! Apparently, kayaks do work!  Ha ha ha!  Now there are two totally cute kayaks that we have used once sitting in our garage.  

It's funny, I think my guardian angel prevented me over the last week from buying a dress I really wanted.  I got a 50% off e-mail from ban.an.a re.pub.lic, and there was a dress in the store that was super cute, but they didn't have my size.  When I went online, they were only offering 30% off, so I left it in my "cart" and decided to think about it some more. When I went back, they were sold out of my size online.  I guess my guardian angel knew I wouldn't be able to use the dress!  ha ha!

I can't believe we'll have a baby around Thanksgiving!  What a great time to have a baby!  I just pray that everything goes well.  I am nervous because of our past miscarriages, but at the same time I feel hopeful.  Thank you a million times over to my prayer buddy and to everyone who has prayed for me! I have found out within the last day that there were friends of friends who have been praying for us and nieces and nephews sacrificing for us for so long and we didn't know.  It just brings tears to my eyes.  How wonderful is our holy, apostolic, catholic family!  

PPVI said I should have an ultrasound around 6.5-7 weeks, so I have one scheduled for April 16.  They also told me to start progesterone injections, 200 mg.  Luckily, I had some PIO left over from before I started with PPVI.  But, it's only 50mg/ml, so I had to have a 100 mg shot in each cheek.  Ouch!  Oh, I just got a vm from PPVI while I was on the phone with my sister in law.  My progesterone was 28, so they want me to stay on 100 mg twice a week.  Ok, so one less shot.  That will be nice.  But, I tell you what, I will gladly go through whatever shots I need to.  And, I am offering all of it up for my prayer buddy.  I also offered up all that darn waiting yesterday to hear the news!

I know I am always curious what people were on when they conceived, so here is my list:

T3

Synthroid

Optivite vitamins

500 mg sustained release b6

Citracal calcium

FloraSource probiotics

FertileCM (I just took it twice a day)

low dose naltrexone

HCG on peak +3, 5, 7 & 9

And, my husband had been taking pro.xeed plus and mucuna pruriens.  

I am still in shock and can't believe it!  It doesn't feel real!  Could there really be a baby in there?  Oh my goodness!  I cannot wait for the ultrasound, to be able to see that the bloodwork is not lying to me.  A baby by Thanksgiving?!  Amazing!  Thank you God!  Thank you Jesus!  Thank you St. Gerard!  Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us for so long!  

Sweet Jesus, I'm pregnant!

Finally heard back.  HCG was 1,282!  Definitely pregnant!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you all for your prayers.  I am beside myself with astonishment and joy.  Glory be to God!

Waiting, waiting, waiting! ** updated

I had the blood drawn about an hour ago, so now I am anxiously awaiting a call from PPVI.  So nervous over here!

** update: still freaking waiting over here!  Come on, people!  What part of STAT don't they understand?  I have no idea what is going on.  The blood was drawn 4.5 hours ago, I spoke with the lab an hour and a half ago and they said they were faxing results to Dr. H.  I have called Dr. H's office and e-mailed.  Going nuts here!  I hope I hear something either way soon.  Tonight, it's either a shot in the rear or a glass of wine.    Oddly enough, for the girl who hates needles, I'm pulling for the shot in the rear!

It's still positive this morning!

Here's last night's test.  The line on the left is the pregnant line, and it is outshining the control line for sure:

Here's this morning's test, and the vertical line is the pregnant line and it is definitely a lot darker than the control line, so I don't think it's iffy here:

Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh!   And PPVI doesn't open until 9!  I am dying!  I want a cup of chamomile, but I'm scared to drink anything other than water!  And, I am nervous because I had some maroonish spotting last night and a little bit this morning.  I need PPVI!  Why do they have to have banking hours?!

Holy crap!

On Monday, I woke up and went to the bathroom, and the water was all red, so I assumed AF had arrived. I e-mailed my chart to PPVI and expected the deluge.  Nothing has happened since then.  I just heard back on my cycle review (see post about 5 minutes ago), and I got to thinking about the weird bleeding this month, and decided to POAS.  It's positive!  Could that be false?  Today is p+15, and I haven't had hcg since p+9.  I guess I have to wait until the morning and POAS again.  I am freaking out wanting to know, and I'm also worried because I started diflucan on Monday and have taken it Monday and Today.  I don't know if that causes birth defects.  I am so scared.  Prayer buddy, please pray extra prayers!

So confused

I hard back from Dr. H about my cycle review, where I asked what is going on with the bleeding that starts right after peak.  He said it was not hormonally related (p+7 progesterone was 30 and estradiol was 14.1), and he says it is inflammatory.  I e-mailed back for more explanation on that.  I mean, what the hey?  What am I supposed to do?  If it's inflammatory, then what?  What can be done about it?  I'm already eating an anti-inflammatory diet.  I'm waiting to hear back, but just wanted to vent here, and see if anyone has had this problem and been told it was inflammatory.  

Omaha

So, looks like I will be going to Omaha for the ultrasound series.  Kayaks are apparently not a miracle infertility cure.  :(  But, we did have fun yesterday taking them out for a river trip.  They were so fun!

I'll be in Omaha from March 29th thru around April 4 or so.  For those who have been recently, or who live around there, do you have any hotel recommendations?  I need a hotel that is safe and includes rooms with microwaves/fridge/freezer, and doesn't cost an arm and a leg.  Last time I stayed up there for my surgeries, I was at Townplace Suites, and they were super nice, but also expensive.  Do y'all have any good recommendations?

So Annoying

I posted earlier this month about how for the last several months, I have had light bleeding for a few days after peak.  Well, now it has turned into basically a continuous spotting that has progressed from bright red to brown.  I don't know what's going on.  And, Dr. Goo.gle is really ticking me off.  Every time I go.ogle the problem, no matter how I rephrase it, there are all these stupid sites saying that it can be ovulation related or implantation bleeding.  Nope, nope, nope.  Idiots.  I know it's not that.  This has been happening for 3 cycles now, and it has progressively gotten worse.  Houston, we have a problem!

Even though I really, really wish we were pregnant this cycle, I highly doubt it because of all of this spotting.  So, I cannot wait to send my chart off to Dr. H and get some answers.  And, if we are not pregnant, I will be driving over to Omaha around CD11 for an ultrasound series.  Maybe that will give some answers.

In the meantime, I am so dang irritated with my body and with go.ogle.  

Give Me a Break

I had my 6 week follow up at the gastro's office today, and I think they are being ridiculous.  I have felt fine for the last several weeks and am on LDN per Dr. H.  These yahoos want me to have genetic testing to see if I have Crohn's versus UC, and want me to have an x-ray where I have to drink barium so they can look at the small intestine.  Um, in my opinion, if I'm feeling fine, end of story, no need to go prodding any further.  What are they going to do differently anyway if I have Crohn's?  

They also mentioned a bunch of different meds to be taken long term, like some kind of aspirin type products, and I told them I'd rather try out the LDN for a while.  All of this just seems ridiculous and unnecessary to me.  Especially given that I haven't yet paid off what I owe for the procedures I had in January and February to diagnose this condition.  Boy, are they trying to milk my insurance plan or what?

So, I called the insurance company, thinking that genetic testing is not covered, but they said it will be covered if deemed medically necessary.  I need to decide if I am going to do it.  Do I really care?  I don't even know that the treatment for Crohn's is different than the treatment for UC.  And, I am feeling fine.  I am also thinking no thank you as to the x-ray.  I don't want to drink any more barium, and I know it will be expensive, and what would they do about what it showed anyway?  Sounds like this is all for their research.  I think I should stick with the LDN, healthy eating, and exercise.  Anybody agree or disagree?

What I Did Yesterday

I did something yesterday that will likely bring on a baby.  I bought a kayak!  I am so super excited about it!  Both my husband and I got one.  They are Da.gger Zy.de.cos, and I got a lime green one, and he got a blue one.  We plan on kayaking all the rivers around here this summer.  A little thought has crept into my head, though, that I'll probably get pregnant and not be able to use these ever.  LOL.  If that's the case, then good!  Either way, I'll be happy.  Then I'll have another infertility cure to tout: buy kayaks!  :)  

Frustrated

This is the third cycle where I have spotting starting on P+3 and lasting several days, seemingly stopping only when the hcg kicks in.  I am so freaking frustrated with this.  For months, things were rolling along fine, and now this new issue has crept in.  The first cycle it happened, I did not make it a direct question in my cycle review, so I didn't get any advice from Dr. H about it.  I assumed he would see it in the chart and say something about it.  Last month, I made it a direct question, and the response was to wait and see if it happened this cycle.  Well, it has, and it is stressing me out.  I want it resolved and fixed!

And, to top it off, as this bleeding phenomenon hits this morning, I catch a glimpse of my across the street neighbor who is now super pregnant.  It's like a slap in the face seeing that.  It especially hurts because we became friends last year when we discovered we were both trying, we both had laparascopy on the same day, we both had to have more surgery, and boom!, she gets pregnant and here I am a year later still trying.  Sad thing is, we haven't hung out even once since I get the text that she "got her miracle."  It's so sad.   

Part of me just feels like giving up on this whole process.  I know I've said it before, and I know I won't do it, but I am so frustrated and tired.  I realized yesterday that I now have 3 full Creighton charts.  That means, a year and a half of looking at toilet paper.  You know, if I just had some disease that required a hysterectomy, I could throw in the towel, gather up all that freaking paperwork and have a bonfire.  Burn, baby, burn!  I think I would even strip naked and dance that a crazy loon around that fire.  lol

Y'all, I guess I am losing my mind here.  Where is my magic cure, that one last med that will put it all in place and "fix" me?  

Improvement

Hopefully, I think, with fingers crossed, that the insomnia is on its way out.  I did wake up a few times during the night, all sweaty, but did not lay awake for long.  So, I think my body is adjusting to the new medications and hopefully sleep will not be a problem from now on.

I have not heard anything new about my sister who abandoned her kids.  Still praying for her and the kids and hoping to hear something is being done by CPS to protect those poor kids.  I wish my husband and I could just drive down there and take them, but alas, I think they would call that kidnapping.  It is so frustrating to have to sit and wait for the government to do what they need to be doing.  

In IF news, nothing new.  I am about mid-cycle and there are plenty of I's on the chart, hee hee.  HCG injections just arrived by mail today.  So, I'm coasting along.  If we don't get pregnant this cycle, I will be going back to Omaha to do the ultrasound series that I didn't get to do when I was there last year.  I kind of look forward to the trip and what I hope will be confirmation that I am, in fact, ovulating.  But, it would also be super awesome if I didn't have to go because we were pregnant!

Oh, and one last thing, I have been trying to contact my charting instructor since CD 1 because it's time to order a new chart and have my 6 month follow up.  No response, after 2 skype messages to her and an e-mail.  Anyone know where I can buy a new chart and stickers outside of my instructor who is not responding to me?

Insomnia

Lord help me!  I cannot sleep!  All this week, I have tossed and turned every night.  Yesterday, I was so tired from not sleeping that I took two naps during the day and cancelled plans that my husband and I had to go see a jazz saxophonist last night.  

And, I find myself agitated during the day and easily weepy.  I don't know if it is all the drama with my family, the fact that I have too much work on my plate, or the meds I started this week.  I started both LDN and Synthroid this week, so one or both of those could be doing this.  If they are, I hope those problems subside soon.  I cannot live like this.  I lie awake running things through my head over and over again, the last song that played in Zumba, what all I need to do at work and whether I should just get up and work, the meal planning that I need to do for the upcoming week, the fact that not sleeping cannot help fertility, praying hail marys over and over again for sleep.  Finally, at 3:30 this morning, I got up and made a cup of chamomile tea and read for about an hour.  I still wasn't exactly sleepy, but I went back to bed and finally fell asleep.  

I was supposed to join my bible study group via skype this morning at 6:45, but I had to just sleep in.  What am I going to do if this keeps happening next week?  I can't just sleep in and keep napping during the day, or maybe I can.  But I would rather not.  I would rather be a normal functioning human being.  

Is there a patron saint for sleep?  If so, can you please say some prayers to him or her for me? 

Craziness. Need Some Prayers Please.

Boy, where to start?  I have never talked about my jacked up sisters, but here goes nothing.  I found out Saturday that my younger sister (2 years younger than me) who has 3 kids out of wedlock (a 13 year old, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old), who was living with the father of the two youngest children ran off last Thursday.  She supposedly went to run an errand and never came back.  It has since been discovered that she is on drugs again and has run off with a new guy.  My grandmother who drives a limousine a couple of days a week for one of the casinos in town saw her today at the casino. My grandmother didn't know anything about any of this, and said she "looked real good, and had lost some weight" and was with her new boyfriend and was planning on picking up my 13 year old niece this coming Saturday.  Her losing some weight just confirms to me that she is on drugs.  Also, my other younger sister was seen with her, which again confirms to me that the two of them are on some kind of drug binge or whatever you call it.  

I called Child Pro.tec.tive Ser.vic.es on Sunday to report all this and they are "assessing" it.  I have told them that my husband and I are able to take in the children if they need to be placed somewhere.  I don't know what is going through my sister's mind.  Apparently, she has decided to abandon her babies and take my older niece into her drug-induced new random guy life.  Lord help them all.  The old boyfriend is no good either.  He doesn't work and sleeps all day and supposedly gets a "disability" check for who knows what.  Looks perfectly able to work to me.  

So, I need prayers that my 13 year old niece is removed immediately from that home and placed with my mom, and that whatever is best for the babies happens.  This is all stressing me out, and I certainly don't need stress in my life.  And I can't even imagine what those poor children are going through.