Monday, January 23, 2012

S**t my mother says

I love my mom, and I really wish I had her here taking care of me while I continue to be sick.  (by the way, the antibiotics are not working, and I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor on what he wants to do).  But, I swear sometimes she makes me so irritated.  I called her over the weekend to let her know how sick I was feeling and that I wished she was with me.  I was also telling her that I had given up on eating well while I don't feel good and was eating whatever I wanted to try not to be nauseous.  Then she started to basically go off on my IF treatment.  She is "pissed" and thinks that Dr. H just keeps finding other things wrong and that I am stressed out by everything I have to do and eat and that all I need to do is "relax" and get back to living and have some bl.ue.bell ice cream and casseroles and blah, blah, blah.   Oh my gosh.  If I hear her tell me one more time that I need to relax, I am going to lose it.  Or that I am on "such a restricted diet."  I should have told her what I felt, which is that she stresses me out, not my treatments or my diet.  Instead, I just said, if you had cancer, you wouldn't just relax and hope it goes away.  If you have a disease, like I do, you treat it.  And, of course the doctor finds things wrong.  That is why you go to him.  Good grief.  

I swear.  I want to scream at her.  Relax?  Relax?  That is the stupidest thing you can say.  And insensitive.  Like this IF is all in my head.  Clearly, it is not.  There are identifiable issues that are being treated.  And, telling me to relax is not going to cause me to relax.  It just irritates me.  

Oh, and she is always so negative about the endometriosis.  Always so certain that you just can't treat it and that hysterectomy is the ultimate outcome.  Any time I complain of anything, she tries to link it to endometriosis.  Give me a break.  First of all, the endometriosis was not bad.  I had more of an issue with scar tissue.  Endometriosis was a little bit in random places.  Second of all, negativity is not what a mother should be giving her daughter.  

I know she doesn't understand.  I know her experience is that people just get pregnant and things "just shouldn't be that hard."  But, she needs to realize that times are different and nowadays not everyone just gets pregnant.  And old southern ways of eating are not necessarily healthy.  

Going through napro is tiring.  It does take patience and persistence.  I get discouraged from time to time.  I wish I could just "relax" and stop taking meds and watching what I eat and just miraculously get pregnant.  I want to live a normal life again.  But, I realize that chances are that doing nothing is not going to help.  Instead, thank God Dr. H is out there and that there are treatments that are in-line with my faith.  I have to do my part if I expect God to help me.  So, along that path, instead of saying uninformed things, I wish my mom would just be supportive and give me a pep talk from time to time and encourage me to stick with it.    


  1. So sorry for your added stress. I'll be praying for you and your mom.


    I hope you feel better soon!

  2. I've found sometimes my harshest critics are my own family. They just don't get it, and they want to see me "better" so they'd say the meanest things to me during IF and waiitng. I'm so sorry. Prayers for you to feel better fast.

  3. How frustrating! I think you handled it very well. I have a hard time saying anything to my mom - or others for that matter that say things like that to me. My mom has said the same thing to me about the whole relaxing thing and she knows that I went through cancer some years back - so you would think she would give it a second thought before she said something about "relaxing" given there might be some complications from the cancer treatment. But at the same time, I just learned to not let it upset me because I think she didn't know what else to say and it was so foreign to her. (My mom was 18 when I was born and she went on to have 4 kids before she was 25). I am 34 and just had my 1st - a very different situation. Last Sat night she told me that now that we had our little girl, she thinks everything is "unblocked" and we will have no problems with having the 2nd one. I am not sure how "unblocked" things are, but yes, that would be great if we conceived again shortly, but I am going to be realistic and not get my hopes up that things will be super easy after this.

    I hope you start to feel better soon - that is crazy that you are still under the weather - ugh!

  4. You and I should record our moms and make a youtube video... ;)

  5. That's rough that you're still feeling so aweful! I hope it's gone soon. Oh family, so complicated sometimes! I think you said it well though. Some people just have conditions that make them have to watch what they eat etc. If you were diabetic, that darn blue bell would do you in :)

  6. Is it a consolation to you that at least your mother acknowledges your endo? Mine, who is a nurse, doesn't even mention it at all. Perhaps getting her a good book about endo would be a good way for her to be informed? On top of that my family is totally not supportive of my diet. My mother doesn't really believe that I am allergic to gluten because I haven't been officially tested. She won't listen to the horrible things that happen to my body when I consume it. She must think that I am exaggerating, although Mr. JB has told her and she usually believes him.

    Should we introduce our mothers?

    And yes, Napro can be tiring. I didn't think that I would still be childless at this point (our Intro session was in February 2008!). God has a wonderful journey planned for you, be patient!!!

  7. YOU have the right are spot on with that last paragraph. Ugh..."relax"...the dirtiest word you can say to an infertile!! Um, and please tell her that I had terrible endo all over and thanks to Dr. H and his surgery skills, I am ENDO FREE right now and I definitely still have my yes, I can be removed without a hysterectomy and I am living proof!! Haha she can watch my surgery video if she wants!! I am so sorry she is not more supportive. And I'm sorry you are still not feeling better. :( You're in my prayers!!

  8. Hey there! Saw your comment. That is a totally normal feeling, and one of the worst things about surgery...that "what if" feeling...what if you don't do it, and it would've worked? But what if you go through it, and it doesn't help? I remember being in just that same position, and it's a torturous decision. Trouble with surgery is, there's no way to know if it'd help without just going in and doing it. Every person's decision is different, and you have to do what's right for you. In the end, I decided I'd have more regret if I didn't do it than if I'd done it and it didn't work. At least then, I knew I could say I'd done everything I could, and didn't have to wonder "what if" for the rest of my life. But again, you have to do what's right for you, and only you and God know that. :)

    Oh, and in my previous comment, it should say "IT can be removed without a hysterectomy" not "I can be removed." Haha you can't remove me, lol!!

  9. I'm so very sorry that your mom doesn't understand. Moms NEED to give their children love, support and SYMPATHY. She needs to hug you and keep her mouth shut. :-) It has to be one of the worst things to not be able to go to your mom for comfort and when you are just seeking empathy, she tells you to "relax" and your doctor is a quack. She sounds like my MIL.
    I'll be praying for you and your mom, so she can show support to you, and also for your health! I'm sorry you are feeling so bad!