Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Several things (updated)

1.  Thankfully, I am feeling much better this week.  Thank you to everyone for your kind comments on my last post.  Things have gotten a lot better.  Husband is again including a prayer for a baby in our bedtime prayers, and the case that I was busting my arse over last week settled.  Whew!  I only wish they would just settle these things in the very beginning, but I guess I wouldn't have a job if that happened.  

2.  Dr. H has said I don't have to take my temps and pulses 5 times a day every day from now on and can just do it one day a week and e-mail them once a month.  That was great news to hear!  I was so tired of living by the clock.  Now, the only time I need to keep up with is to make sure I'm taking the T3 every 12 hours.  I don't see that it is helping me any, though.  I still have low temps, in the 97's, except post-peak when they get in the 98's but never even up to 98.6.  Is it possible to just be "cold natured" and not have a thyroid problem?  

3.  I'm starting to feel like Dr. H is a little too busy and that I'm falling through the cracks.  For the last couple of months, it has been cycle day 6 or so before I hear back from his office (and I fax my chart first thing in the a.m. on CD1).  This cycle, as far as I know, Dr. H has not reviewed my chart, but a fellow has.  That fellow has not addressed what to do with the hcg and progesterone.  So, am I supposed to continue those, and if so, what dose?  Ugh.  I have e-mailed the nurses again today, asking about that. When I e-mailed last week asking what are my medication instructions this cycle, they e-mailed back on CD9 to say they want husband and I to take Biaxin on CD 1-10.  Gosh!  I hate having to keep contacting their office.  I don't want to be annoying, but I need to know what to do.  Time is so important when dealing with infertility.  Each month that goes by, even each day, is crucial.   

4.  I don't understand how to reconcile accepting God's will while doing what I need to do on my part in case it's His will that we have a baby.  My brain just can't process that.  I feel like if I were to truly accept God's will, that would mean stopping everything I am doing and just leaving it all up to chance.  My priest says no, you have to do your part, but that it is in giving it up and accepting his will that He will reward you, or something to that effect.  I don't get it.  How do I know if I'm accepting His will if I am taking my T3, Biaxin, hcg, etc.?  

*** Update re #4.  I decided to do some googling and came across a website (Catholic Treasury) quoting from St. Alphonsus Liguori's book "Uniformity with God's Will", which I think answers the question.  We do what we can medically, but have it in our minds that we are ok with whatever happens.  Here's the quote (it's really long):

It is especially necessary that we be resigned in corporal infirmities. We should willingly embrace them in the manner and for the length of time that God wills. We ought to make use of the ordinary remedies in time of sickness -- such is God's will; but if they are not effective, let us unite ourselves to God's will and this will be better for us than would be our restoration to health. Let us say: "Lord, I wish neither to be well nor to remain sick; I want only what thou wilt."

Certainly, it is more virtuous not to repine in times of painful illness; still and all, when our sufferings are excessive, it is not wrong to let our friends know what we are enduring, and also to ask God to free us from our sufferings. Let it be understood, however, that the sufferings here referred to are actually excessive. It often happens that some, on the occasion of a slight illness, or even a slight indisposition, want the whole world to stand still and sympathize with them in their illnesses.

But where it is a case of real suffering, we have the example of our Lord, who, at the approach of his bitter passion, made known his state of soul to his disciples, saying: "My soul is sorrowful even unto death[2]"and besought his eternal Father to deliver him from it: "Father, if it be possible, let this chalice pass from me[3]."But our Lord likewise taught us what we should do when we have made such a petition, when he added: "Nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt[4]."

How childish the pretense of those who protest they wish for health not to escape suffering, but to serve our Lord better by being able to observe their Rule, to serve the community, go to church, receive Communion, do penance, study, work for souls in the confessional and pulpit! Devout soul, tell me, why do you desire to do these things? To please God? Why then search any further to please God when you are sure God does not wish these prayers, Communions, penances or studies, but he does wish that you suffer patiently this sickness he sends you? Unite then your sufferings to those of our Lord.

"But," you say, "I do not want to be sick for then I am useless, a burden to my Order, to my monastery." But if you are united to and resigned to God's will, you will realize that your superiors are likewise resigned to the dispositions of divine providence, and that they recognize the fact that you are a burden, not through indolence, but by the will of God. Ah, how often these desires and these laments are born, not of the love of God, but of the love of self! How many of them are so many pretexts for fleeing the will of God! Do we want to please God? When we find ourselves confined to our sickbed, let us utter this one prayer: "Thy will be done." Let us repeat it time and time again and it will please God more than all our mortifications and devotions. There is no better way to serve God than cheerfully to embrace his holy will.

St. John of Avila once wrote to a sick priest: "My dear friend, -- Do not weary yourself planning what you would do if you were well, but be content to be sick for as long as God wishes. If you are seeking to carry out God's will, what difference should it make to you whether you are sick or well[5]?'' The saint was perfectly right, for God is glorified not by our works, but by our resignation to, and by our union with, his holy will. In this respect St. Francis de Sales used to say we serve God better by our sufferings than by our actions.

Many times it will happen that proper medical attention or effective remedies will be lacking, or even that the doctor will not rightly diagnose our case. In such instances we must unite ourselves to the divine will which thus disposes of our physical health. The story is told of a client of St. Thomas of Canterbury, who being sick, went to the saint's tomb to obtain a cure. He returned home cured. But then he thought to himself: "Suppose it would be better for my soul's salvation if I remained sick, what point then is there in being well?" In this frame of mind he went back and asked the saint to intercede with God that he grant what would be best for his eternal salvation. His illness returned and he was perfectly content with the turn things had taken, being fully persuaded that God had thus disposed of him for his own good.

There is a similar account by Surio to the effect that a certain blind man obtained the restoration of his sight by praying to St. Bedasto, bishop. Thinking the matter over, he prayed again to his heavenly patron, but this time with the purpose that if the possession of his sight were not expedient for his soul, that his blindness should return. And that is exactly what happened -- he was blind again. Therefore, in sickness it is better that we seek neither sickness nor health, but that we abandon ourselves to the will of God so that he may dispose of us as he wishes. However, if we decide to ask for health, let us do so at least always resigned and with the proviso that our bodily health may be conducive to the health of our soul. Otherwise our prayer will be defective and will remain unheard because our Lord does not answer prayers made without resignation to his holy will.

Sickness is the acid test of spirituality, because it discloses whether our virtue is real or sham. If the soul is not agitated, does not break out in lamentations, is not feverishly restless in seeking a cure, but instead is submissive to the doctors and to superiors, is serene and tranquil, completely resigned to God's will, it is a sign that that soul is well-grounded in virtue.

What of the whiner who complains of lack of attention? That his sufferings are beyond endurance? That the doctor does not know his business? What of the faint-hearted soul who laments that the hand of God is too heavy upon him?

This story by St. Bonaventure in his "Life of St. Francis" is in point: On a certain occasion when the saint was suffering extraordinary physical pain, one of his religious meaning to sympathize with him, said in his simplicity: "My Father, pray God that he treat you a little more gently, for his hand seems heavy upon you just now." Hearing this, St. Francis strongly resented the unhappy remark of his well-meaning brother, saying: "My good brother, did I not know that what you have just said was spoken in all simplicity, without realizing the implication of your words, I should never see you again because of your rashness in passing judgment on the dispositions of divine providence."

Whereupon, weak and wasted as he was by his illness, he got out of bed, knelt down, kissed the floor and prayed thus: "Lord, I thank thee for the sufferings thou art sending me. Send me more, if it be thy good pleasure. My pleasure is that you afflict me and spare me not, for the fulfillment of thy holy will is the greatest consolation of my life."


  1. 1. I'm so glad things have settled down for you - and that your DH is praying for a baby again.

    2. It's no wonder you were stressed - all that checking all day long - yikes! So, I'm thinking I've definitely got ice in my veins, because my BBT in the morning is usually at 96.8 pre-peak (sometimes as low as 96.2) and post-peak I'm usually around 97.2 - 97.6. Suppossedly I have no thyroid issue - we shall see...

    3. Oh that would be frustrating! Prayers they are able to get to you faster in the future.

    4. If you get an answer to this question, please share it with me. As we are just taking the first steps into NaPro, I've asked myself this same question so so many times. Especially as it concerns the se.men analysis - is it worth it? Is that what God really wants us to do. Even done the Catholic way it seems so unnantural and invasive.

    Sorry for the super long comment - you will continue to be in my prayers.

  2. #2 - I had to take my temps in the morning + 3x per day for at least 3-4 months. I have multiple sheets of paper attesting to that. It was super annoying. My cell phone alarm would go off all.the.time at work - usually when I was with a customer and not at my desk. I agree. It was annoying! I'm taking the T3 too, and I did have low temps prior. Like you, I don't "notice" feeling any better or with more energy. I did have 1/2 my thyroid out and in the last few weeks have started S.ynthroid as well, but if you don't have a whacko thyroid (like I do), you wouldn't need to do that.

    #3 - I've felt like its hard to get attention from PPVI as well, but no where near the response time you are getting! Maybe by CD3 is the latest they've gotten back to me. I do have Dr. Keefe instead of Dr. Hilgers, though. You mentioned faxing in your info ... do you have their email? That's been how I've been sending mine in (via email) and it seems to help. I keep praying that they can afford additional staff, but I know that money is always tight. It stinks for us, though, b/c as you said, you are needing to know when to take your meds for the next cycle. Be forceful and call them. I think a followup call or email within 24 hours would be appropriate.

    #4 - Totally there with ya. Thank you for the writing of St. Alphonse. It makes sense what he says, but a direct "sign from God" wouldn't hurt either. :)

    Sorry for the L.O.N.G. post! Praying for you - esp. on #4.

  3. Thanks for you guys' comments! I don't know why I said "fax." I meant e-mail. I scan and e-mail them the chart top o' the morning on CD1.

  4. Wow. So difficult. May God have mercy on me.

    "Sickness is the acid test of spirituality, because it discloses whether our virtue is real or sham. If the soul is not agitated, does not break out in lamentations, is not feverishly restless in seeking a cure, but instead is submissive to the doctors and to superiors, is serene and tranquil, completely resigned to God's will, it is a sign that that soul is well-grounded in virtue."