The weather here has just been wonderful. It has been in the mid-forties in the morning, and upper 70's in the afternoon. It just feels like fall, and I looooooove the fall. The bad thing is, it makes me not want to work and to just go live my life. That's all I want to do really, just live my life. I want to win the lottery so I don't have to work, and I would just spend my days raising my future babies, washing cloth diapers, making homemade baby food, knitting, running to the farmers' market, and doing charity work. I long for the day that I can turn my home office into a bedroom. I envision packing up everything that belongs to my law firm and shipping it back to them and never looking back. The freedom I would feel. The burden that would be lifted. Aaaaaah. Anyway, I digress.
I went over to the farmers' market today, and what a bounty I came home with! Fresh tomatoes, bok choy, purple hull peas, green beans, eggplants, and sweet potatoes. Aaaaaa-lle-luuuuuuia! (singing) I came home and found a recipe for a healthy eggplant parmesan, which I found here: http://lowfatcooking.about.com/od/vegetablesandvegetarian/r/eggplantparmesa.htm. I will be serving that alongside some beautiful fresh steamed green beans tossed in olive oil, salt and pepper. For dessert, fresh watermelon! Yum-o-la!
In other news, I'm a little over midway through the excruciating two week wait. Why can't we just immediately get a period if we're not pregnant? Or, why can't we have some kind of immediate notice that we have conceived, like a timer that pops out of our hip like on a turkey? I hate wondering and worrying for those two weeks, overanalyzing everything that happens. And, everything that happens is a pregnancy sign. Aargh. Ta-tas always hurt every month during the luteal phase, there is always some kind of spotting during the luteal phase (this time, it was on P+8; sometimes it goes for several days), and I become super hungry and sometimes have very specific cravings (like today, I was craving an old-school style sandwich with mayo and white bread, two no-nos for me). I normally don't really crave anything other than "just feed me now." I remember when I was pregnant with the first baby we lost, I had specific food cravings then, too. Once, out of the blue, I just had to have a gyro, so we drove thirty minutes to a greek restaurant to get gyros. It is funny to me. I actually visualize and can "taste" the food I crave. Maybe my cravings this month are related to the hcg injections, but I sure wish I could believe they were related to an actual pregnancy. Time will tell.
I feel like I got another sign from God today. My protestant aunt e-mailed me today out of the blue (I haven't heard from her in a long time), and she said she was praying for us that God's will be done, that we have faith, perseverance, etc., and she cited Matthew 7:7. So, I looked it up, and it says: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." The rest of that paragraph, which is in verses 8-11, reads: "For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him." Lord, I am asking; I am seeking; I am knocking. Please, deliver me from my fears; save me from my doubts. Thank you for sending me this reminder that you do hear and that you, my heavenly Father, will give much more good things than any earthly father gives his children. You know how much I need to hear that, and I love you for being so patient with me and for constantly reaching out to me in these little ways.