Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Frustrated

This is the third cycle where I have spotting starting on P+3 and lasting several days, seemingly stopping only when the hcg kicks in.  I am so freaking frustrated with this.  For months, things were rolling along fine, and now this new issue has crept in.  The first cycle it happened, I did not make it a direct question in my cycle review, so I didn't get any advice from Dr. H about it.  I assumed he would see it in the chart and say something about it.  Last month, I made it a direct question, and the response was to wait and see if it happened this cycle.  Well, it has, and it is stressing me out.  I want it resolved and fixed!

And, to top it off, as this bleeding phenomenon hits this morning, I catch a glimpse of my across the street neighbor who is now super pregnant.  It's like a slap in the face seeing that.  It especially hurts because we became friends last year when we discovered we were both trying, we both had laparascopy on the same day, we both had to have more surgery, and boom!, she gets pregnant and here I am a year later still trying.  Sad thing is, we haven't hung out even once since I get the text that she "got her miracle."  It's so sad.   

Part of me just feels like giving up on this whole process.  I know I've said it before, and I know I won't do it, but I am so frustrated and tired.  I realized yesterday that I now have 3 full Creighton charts.  That means, a year and a half of looking at toilet paper.  You know, if I just had some disease that required a hysterectomy, I could throw in the towel, gather up all that freaking paperwork and have a bonfire.  Burn, baby, burn!  I think I would even strip naked and dance that a crazy loon around that fire.  lol

Y'all, I guess I am losing my mind here.  Where is my magic cure, that one last med that will put it all in place and "fix" me?  

10 comments:

  1. I so know your frustration with abnormal bleeding and it always. always. seems to come at the most stressful time possible.

    I am so so sorry for your frustration. I am praying that Dr. H comes up with something related to the bleeding (and something tells me there will be comments after mine that say "I had that same thing when I was on HCG...." or something to that effect.

    Praying for your magic cure! And sending love and hugs your way.

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  2. Ugh! I hate having to number my charts b/c there are so many of them. Its a sinking feeling. I know seeing your pg neighbor doesn't help.
    I'm with you on the frustrating with PPVI. Well, maybe its frustrating with just "waiting" in general. It really burns up a month of trying if you have to just "wait and see".
    Praying for patience for you and an answer from Dr. H!

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  3. yep, I've had to number my charts too. I am on number 5 now. My IF friend had surgery and then bam 3 months later had success when mine was 2 years ago, so I totally get that part.
    I read someones' blog waiting for baby blondie and she had lots of extra spotting and thought she was out. THen she actually had success on a cycle with spotting. So it could still happen.

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  4. Don't know anything about the spotting, but I am on the last row of my 3rd chart just about to start my 4th also, and though I love a nice clean chart, I just wish I could get pregnant like all these other girls around me! I feel your pain.

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  5. I am frustrated for you. The spotting is such a bummer but maybe your body is gearing up for a "perfect" cycle soon. I have been very direct with my questions lately with PPVI and have been getting some more complete responses. Don't give up hope....you never know what may happen!

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  6. I already posted, but I was thinking about you. Could this be ovulation spotting? I only had it once. It freaked me out and I called my dr and he said it was ovulation spotting. I googled it and they said it could last for more than one day. From what I read this is rare. I never heard of it until I saw it that one time. In fact I forgot about it when I first read your post.

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  7. Does it make you feel better that I'm on my 8th chart?

    I've had strange spotting before around ovulation and I was told that it was caused by a drop in hormones. It only happened twice and not in a row, but it was worrisome. I hope that Dr H figures out something soon!

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  8. Hopefully Dr. H can provide some insight for you! I remember those frustrating times...I wanted the definitive answer as well, so many times it felt like we were just throwing things at the wall and seeing what stuck, when it came to IF. Praying for ya!

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  9. I will come burn my charts with you, woooooooo! Hoping you get the answers you need soon.

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  10. Please invite me to your bonfire.

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