Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Emotional Day

Today has been bittersweet.  My sister in law that I am the closest to gave birth to her third child this morning.  I am so happy for her and my brother in law, but at the same time, it causes me such sadness.  Last night, when she called to say that she was in early labor and asked if I would pick her mom up at the airport today, of course I said yes, but when I got off the phone I was so sad.  I wished it was us going into labor.  I wish it was us having such excitement.  I can't imagine how wonderful it is.  It must be like going to Disneyland.  

Then, today, of course I cried a few times.  Felt sorry for myself.  Felt pathetic that I had to go pick up her mother and put myself to service for someone so fertile.  That cross was especially heavy today.  I tried as best I could to offer it up for all you fellow IFers.  

I hope I feel better tomorrow, but now I still feel sad.  I just got back from dropping off her mother's luggage at her house.  My cute little innocent niece was crying because her brother hit her, so I picked her up to console her.  Then, she asks me, "Are you having a baby?"  "No," I said.  "Did you just have a baby?", she asked.  "No," I said.  "Why are those sticking out then?, she says.  "What are you talking about?", I asked, thinking she was talking about my scapular and miraculous medal.  "Those," she said, pointing at my boobs.  I about died.  My brother in law was sitting there trying not to laugh.  I just said, "Well, I've always had those, and all grownup ladies have those."  "Oh," she said.

While that was funny, and it did make me laugh, it also magnified the total barrenness of my womb and my complete failure over the last 4 years.  Kids say the darndest things, huh? 


9 comments:

  1. I am sorry. I know how hard that was and then to have someone ask you if you have kids makes it worse. It seems to be the small talk topic for someone my age. When I meet someone it is usually the first thing they ask, when I say no it is awkward.
    At least at the end there was a funny boob story to share.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so sorry you are having a tough day. Sending prayers and love your way!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so sorry your day was so rough. It's understandable though. Give yourself some extra grace. Praying tomorrow is better!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It is so hard to watch as other people's families grow while we are in a holding pattern. You are so strong that you were able to help out your SIL! You're amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you as you support your fertile SIL! Your boob story reminds me of something my biology teacher told us in our "sex ed" class in high school (the health teacher refused to talk about sex with us): Boobs are for feeding babies, not for boys! At the time it was pretty funny, but now I just keep wondering when there are going to be babies coming along to feed.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree...I definitely think you will get some extra graces for helping out your SIL's mom when it was so hard for you! I think it's so funny how kids can make you happy and sad at the same time. I have always loved kids and being around them but it's definitely bittersweet sometimes. Praying you feel better soon!

    ReplyDelete
  7. My SIL has five boys...it was always so hard, even though I love my nephews so much. Nobody understands those sacrifices IF girls make, unless they've been there. I think it's wonderful how you helped them, Jellybelly is right, it does indeed show how strong you are. I know how hard that can be, and I know God sees these sacrifices also.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My Aunt said I looked like I was expecting at my Nana's funeral last week. I'm pretty sure I am not and I was crushed. Like my Aunt, I'm sure your niece meant no harm, but it's still a hard blow to navigate.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry. What you experienced with your niece ... how uncomfortable. I'm praying for extra grace for you. I agree that you are simply amazing for offering up chauffering her mom. (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete