Prayer Request

My husband and I drove down to Louisiana yesterday because my grandfather has been in the hospital since Sunday and was taken to ICU yesterday morning.  We were able to see him for the 5 o'clock visiting slot yesterday evening very briefly.  We got a call at about 3 a.m. that he passed.  Will you please pray for the repose of his soul?  He is not Catholic, and I know that he struggled with believing his whole life.  But yesterday, he asked to see my husband, and after we left the hospital, my husband said that he prayed an act of contrition with him and that it was a beautiful experience.  That gives me hope for him.  God bless you, Papa.    

Oh, the things little kids say!

Yesterday, I went over to visit my sister in law for a bit.  She has a 4 year old little girl and a 2 year old boy.  They are the cutest things.  A few weeks ago, out of the blue, the 4 year old gave me a mini statue of the Holy Family.  Yesterday, she says out of the blue "You're gonna have a baby!"  I said, "Oh, really?"  She says, "Yep.  And then we'll have two babies."  (my sister in law is currently pregnant with #3).  So, I said, "I sure hope so.  Keep praying for me."  My sister in law and I looked at each other with lifted eyebrows, and she says, "Maybe she knows something."  I sure hope so.  I hope she was visited by an angel or had a prophetic dream.  That is the second person in one week who has told me the same thing (my mother in law the other day said she had a dream).

So, maybe this will be the month.  I have recently added FertileCM because I read about it on somebody else's blog, and mucinex just in case.  And, it seems like I'm right about the same point that I have read of others finally getting their positive pregnancy test, 5-6 months post-op.  Lord, let it be so!  I want me a baby so bad!  I saw an old classmate's fb post yesterday of her brand new baby, and I just wanted to have that baby in my own arms and be the one sitting in a hospital bed with a big smile on my face.  

No ferraris!

So, we heard back from PPVI today.  The SA results were good.  So, there will be no ferraris. :)  I am still waiting to hear back from my question as to how these results compare to his results from 2 years ago.  We're curious because he has taken so many vitamins and herbs that are supposed to help.  They didn't test for morphology or DNA fragmentation, so I still don't know if that has improved.  The last test was dismal in those areas.  But, I guess Dr. H doesn't bother with those matters as long as the count and motility are fine.    

I had also asked whether I had to have a blood draw every month because the blood drawing lady said I was getting scar tissue in my veins.  Dr. H said he has never heard of that, and some patients have twice a month draws.  So, I am going to go back and tell the blood drawing lady that, and ask for a butterfly needle.  I think I will also start going in the morning, rather than the afternoon, so I don't get stuck with a tired nurse who's just ready to go home. 

I also asked Dr. H about Ativan.  Someone else had posted recently that their doctor ordered that.  Well, he says he doesn't think it is a good idea and that there are other ways to deal with stress.  Yeah, I know, but come on.  I have deep-seated, part of my personality stress.  I am just a tense woman.  I think nothing short of sitting on a beach all day drinking margaritas would get rid of all my stress.  Sigh.  I guess I will eat more chocolate to counteract any cortisol that my brain releases.  :)

Maybe this will be the month.  My mother in law told me yesterday that she had a dream a couple of days ago that I was expecting.  I hope her dreams are prophetic!       

Gaw-lee! (southern talk there)

Geese Louise.  I just heard back from PPVI that my p+7 progesterone was 74.2! (estrogen was 12.1).  So, the hormones are clearly making their way into my system.  Now we just need to make a pregnancy happen here people!  I have not gotten a full opinion back from Dr. H for this cycle because he has been too busy (according to his office), but his initial advice was to continue the same meds.  Next cycle, he might move the clomid to days 3-5, instead of days 5-7.  I'm day 6 today.  

Oh, we finally did what we had to do to get the sample over the lab for the SA.  We both just hate that process.  Ugh.  Anyway, I'm glad it's over and we'll see what it says.  I told my husband that if the results are better than last time, that will give us hope.  If there is not one single living swimmer, we'll just give up and go buy ferraris.  

Another Failed Cycle

I am starting to really wonder if I should just quit and give up.  I'm tired.  I want a normal life.  I want to stop having to keep up with temperatures and mucus, making sure to take medications on certain days, and having blood draws.  But, another part of me thinks, "just hang in there."  Technically, we have only been trying for 4 months since my surgery with Dr. H because the first 2 months were recovery time.  Maybe I should give it a full year before I throw in the towel.  I just wish I already had 2 kids by now.  I wish someone had just shown up at our door and handed us 2 babies.  

Sometimes I think about maybe looking into adoption.  But, it all seems so daunting.  First of all, it's ridiculously expensive.  I have heard in costs $20-30k.  Who has that kind of money?!  I sure don't.  Second, I don't want someone all up in my business, judging me, scrutinizing our lives.  Third, I don't want to meet birth mothers.  How awkward.  I don't want anyone knowing who we are, and I don't want to essentially plead for someone to give me their baby.  If someone just left me a baby in a basket on the doorstep, of course I would take him/her in.  I wish a stork would just show up with a baby wrapped in a blanket.  Finally, I've heard/read that it takes forever to find an adoptable baby and get picked.  I don't think I have the wherewithal to go through that.  

So, I don't really know what to do.  I guess trudge forward through blood draws, constant toilet-paper observations, vitamins, medications, and super healthy eating, at least for a full year, and keep looking for that stork to show up.      

Home Sweet Home

Thank the Good Lord, I am home again!  No more constant assaults from cigarette smoke, sleazy billboards, pervs trying to hand you calling cards for hookers as you stroll hand in hand with your husband down the sidewalk, and waaaaaaaay overpriced food.  Ugh.  Vegas wearies the soul.  I never want to go there again.  Been there, done that.  I warn anyone who thinks of going, don't.  

I have never appreciated my home like I do now.  It feels so good to sleep in my own bed, take a shower in our own shower, brew a cup of coffee that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, and pet my dogs who were oh so happy to see us.  I even didn't mind spending $60 last night just on enough groceries for about 3-4 days.  Vegas pricing really puts things in perspective.  Out there, it was like they took the normal price of everything and just multiplied it times 2.  You could not find an entree anywhere for less than $30.  Breakfast for two of us cost $45.  Can you believe that?!  A tall coffee at Starbucks that would cost you about $1.78 pre-tax here costs $3.25 before tax there.  Give me a break!

Anyway, I am glad to be home, and I am somewhat patiently awaiting AF.  I am on p+15.  I kind of messed up my post-peak meds this cycle.  There was a delay in trying to deal with insurance to cover the hcg, and when that didn't work out, I ordered it from Kubat's, so that took some time with shipping.  Instead of starting the hcg on p+3, I started on +4 and did it a day off each time, ending on +10.  And, I messed up and did not order my progesterone ahead of time, so I started that on p+5 (instead of +3) and only took it to +9 because we headed out of town on +10 and I didn't want to deal with trying to keep progesterone suppositories refrigerated while traveling.  I am supposed to take them through +12, but when I do that, I don't get AF until +18.  So, we will see what happens.  I have been having light bleeding since p+13, and some cramping, so I am confident that it is on its way.  Sigh.  Part of me wants to just give up, but then another part of me thinks we have really only been trying since July since my surgery was in May.  So, maybe I should wait until next July.  

We still haven't done the SA that Dr. H wants.  I keep putting it off because it is such a fiasco to deal with and I hate putting my husband through that.  Even with using the special "kit" and doing things Catholic style at home, it still feels like he's being treated like a stud racehorse or something.  Again, why do they even need to have this SA?  I guess it could give us closure if things went from bad two years ago to now awful, and we could just give up.  But, he has been taking vitamins like crazy since then, so things should be improved.  

Alright, enough about all that.  Riley is staring at me, so I guess she needs some petting.  Have a good weekend, everyone!  

No more

I don't want to do peak +7 blood draws anymore.  I just got back from one, and it was horrible.  I was in so much pain that I almost cursed.  The lady said that I am starting to get scar tissue and that they are going to have to start drawing from other areas, like the forearm.  So, on top of the excruciating pain I was in with her supposedly pushing through scar tissue, I had to deal with the mental trauma of thinking of an upper arm blood draw.  I cried all the way home.  My freaking arm still hurts.  Why do we have to have these draws anyway, especially if we haven't had any medication changes?  I am going to ask Dr. H's office if these things are necessary.  I just don't feel like I can do them anymore.  I am still in tears.

Vegas

My husband called me yesterday afternoon and asked me if I want to go to Las Vegas next week.  He found out last minute that he is going to a conference there, and he didn't want to go alone.  So, I'm booked to fly out to Vegas on Sunday.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Honestly, it doesn't sound exciting to me.  I don't like to gamble unless it is with someone else's money.  I am pretty sure we will see a lot of things we would rather not see.  And, I am not sure what else you could do in Vegas besides hang out in casinos.  Has anyone ever been and have any ideas for other things we could see and do, besides Hoover Dam?  

Anniversary weekend

We had a great anniversary weekend.  We kicked it off Thursday night with dinner at a new italian restaurant in town.  Yes, I wore the slightly trashy dress, and yes, we got snockered.  We drank so much red wine that neither of us wanted any wine the rest of the weekend.  The food was so yummy, and I allowed myself to go off the anti-inflammatory diet.  It was wonderful.

Friday morning, I got up early to drive my car over to the dealership in Tulsa to have some warranty work done.  My husband came up later that afternoon.  On the way to Tulsa, I was nearly killed.  I still don't know how I was not killed.  The only explanation is that an angel or several angels came in and saved me. I was traveling down the interstate at 70 mph.  It was two lanes.  I was in the left, and there were two trucks in the right.  A dog shows up in the middle of the road, so the two trucks and I slow down to around 30 to let the dog get out of the road.  Some idiot driving a quarry truck full of gravel did not slow down, and somehow plowed right through the middle of me and the trucks.  It was already mid-event before I realized what was going on.  The only thing I can think is that angels swooped down and widened the lanes or something.  I have no other explanation for how that truck did not plow into the back of my car and kill me.  I was so angry at whoever that was.  How could he be so oblivious?

Anyway, I said a quick thank you prayer to Mary, my guardian angel, and anyone else who should have been thanked, and headed on down the road.

I had already gotten a great deal on a hotel room through priceline.  But, the day before we left for Tulsa, Marriott sent me a gold rewards card, which gets you free room upgrades.  So, when we got to the hotel, I flashed the card, and we ended up with a suite, complete with a separate living room and a balcony.  Woot!  Woot!

We had a lot of fun being tourists. We saw a great art museum that used to be a house of some millionaire.  So, not only did you see artwork, but the cool features of the house and the surrounding landscaped gardens.  We wen to the aquarium, which was pretty good, but nothing near the one in Atlanta.  We ate out at some great restaurants.  We went to a bar on Saturday night, and I was flabbergasted by what women/girls were wearing.  Skin tight dresses that barely went past their rear ends.  Nothing was left to the imagination and they looked oh so un-feminine when dancing.  I thought, "Is this how people dress now, or is this just Tulsa?  Do men marry these kinds of women?"  Maybe I'm just old, but I never dressed liked that and none of my friends in college ever did either.

On Sunday, we went to mass at the Cathedral.  It is so nice to be able to go to a cathedral.  Ours in Arkansas is three hours away from us.  So, we really enjoyed the mass.  After mass, we grabbed some Chipotle, one of my favorites, which we do not have where we live.  Then we headed home, and I did laundry for the rest of the day.

All in all, it was a good weekend, and I am geared up for another year.

Oh, in other news, I learned that Kubat's sells the hcg I need for $55, whereas the stinking local pharmacy here charged me $185 last month.  So, from now on, I'm getting it shipped from Kubat's.  I feel like slapping my other pharmacist in the face with a glove filled with rocks.  Turd.