Thursday, January 24, 2013

Advice?

I have been MIA lately because being a mother is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I was blessed with a high need baby who likes to nurse all day, doesn't nap at all, and won't go back to sleep after the 3 am feeding.  Needless to say, I barely have time to brush my teeth.  

This poor child is obviously tired, you can see the redness around the eyes and he yawns and is cranky, but he simply will not nap.  The only way I can get him to nap, and it's only an hour, is by wearing him in a wrap carrier.  I downloaded this book today on naps, The No C.ry N.ap So.lution, and started reading it, but got overwhelmed and just started crying.  He started showing sleepiness at 1 in the afternoon, and from that point until 5:30, I was trying to get him to doze off.  I tried swaddling and wearing and nursing, and nothing worked.  I did get him to sleep briefly by nursing him, but then when I put him down in the swing and walked away to finally use the bathroom, he woke up crying.  

I feel like a total failure as a mother.  I worry about him not sleeping. How can his little brain develop if he is wide awake all day and then only sleeps probably 9 hours at night.  That's insane.  Supposedly, a newborn sleeps 16 hours in a 24 hour period.  What can I do?  

And to top it all off, I'm having to fight off the very annoying suggestions by my mother and occasionally my husband to "just let him cry."  I've read enough to know not to do that.  So, while I'm wearing myself out trying to find the magic solution to please my baby, and being so exhausted that I would in fact love to just put him down and walk away but I know that is not good for him, I have to fight off bad advice and suggestions that I am "spoiling" him.  

So, did anyone else have such a high need baby, and how did you get him/her to nap?

11 comments:

  1. You are NOT a failure as a mother! Trust me... I feel like I don't have a clue what I'm doing most of the time!

    With George, we do a sleep, eat, play, sleep cycle. He sleeps, wakes, eats, plays and then we put him back down. He can go no longer than 2 hours awake before he gets over stimulated and gets inconsolable. So at about the 1 hr 45 minute mark give or take.. we put him down. He will drift off to sleep. He takes a short nap in the morning and a longer nap in the afternoon and a few cat naps here and there. I'm sure it will not always work like this, but for now, it works for him.

    Every baby is different and they go through so many stages and such. It was probably at about 6 weeks that this started to click for George. It's not always perfect... but it works. I did read 'Happy Sleep Habits Happy Child' and it kind of goes along with what George does. But again... it's George and this might not work for your baby. But something will.

    You've got this mama! You can do it!! And remember you are doing great... even when it doesn't seem like it!

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  2. I like the book "Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" as well. First of all I am sorry you are going through this but please don't feel so frustrated with yourself. Every mother goes through a time period like this and like Jenny said every baby is different. I didn't have a chance to blog much about it but Anthony was a horrible sleeper from 2 months to 4 months. He would get up every 45 to 60 minutes ALL DAY. My sister helped me sleep train him and he is doing much better (although we still have some rough nights). Putting him down drowsy but awake was finally what did the trick. I had to stop rocking him to sleep and teach him that his crib was an okay place to be. He cried but no more than 5 minutes at a time before one of us went in to comfort him. It is tough. I don't believe in letting them cry it out but a little bit of crying with continual reassurance from mom and dad is okay. I feel so silly giving advice....I have so much to learn myself! Hang in there. You will figure this out. Hugs!

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  3. I've got no advice, but I am praying for you!

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  4. Ugh, I wrote this crazy long comment on my parents computer and now it looks like didn't post. Ahhh...I will try to e-mail you.

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  5. This is a really excellent article from Dr. Sears: "12 Features of a High Needs Baby." All of it is important, but especially check out #6. You are doing a great job trusting your instincts and not letting him cry; it is so hard now, but you will never, ever regret it later. Here's the link to the article. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

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  6. That sounds like our son when he was brand new. Finally at 7 weeks, we took a Happiest Baby on the Block class at the hospital and it made all the difference. The minute we got the calming reflex triggered on Henry, he would nap and sleep (and sleep through the night!).

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard, but you are not a failure. Wishing you lots of luck!

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    1. We watched the video! It was great! That got us to start swaddling again!!

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  7. You are NOT a failure! You are a good mom for meeting his needs! What has your pediatrician said? Could he have reflux or be fussy from something you eat ? My friends daughter was very high needs and she went dairy free and baby was much happier. No other advice, I'm right there with you , Lillie has a hard time nursing. There have been many tears. Keep up the good work!

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  8. One more thing I thought of. When you baby wear, your body is super warm and so is theirs. When you try to put them down, the temperature of that surface is much cooler. If you have a heating pad, turn it on and put it on the surface you're laying him down on a few minutes before you lay him down. Then take the pad out and lay him down. The warmer temperature might help him not to startle. Hang in!

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    1. I never thought of that! What a great idea!

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  9. No real advice here, but you know your baby! And the first few months are SOOOO stressful and sleepless!!! I don't think Luke was a good sleeper and one of us wasn't awake until about 5 or 6 months. It is so rough.
    My suggestion would be to start structured night times (we started Luke to bed at 8 pm) and once we did that, he did SO much better. But that's Luke. That's not always going to work. Being a mom is hard work. Just keep trying things, stay positive, and get help from your mom or others if you need it! It is so easy to get burnt out from lack of sleep.

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