Today, CD3, the story of Elizabeth continues to recur. It was in my meditation for today:
Luke 1:5-25In the days of Herod, King of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah of the priestly division of Abijah; his wife was from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. Both were righteous in the eyes of God, observing all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blamelessly. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren and both were advanced in years. Once when he was serving as priest in his division’s turn before God, according to the practice of the priestly service, he was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord to burn incense. Then, when the whole assembly of the people was praying outside at the hour of the incense offering, the angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right of the altar of incense. Zechariah was troubled by what he saw, and fear came upon him. But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah, because your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall name him John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He will drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from his mother’s womb, and he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. He will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah to turn the hearts of fathers toward children and the disobedient to the understanding of the righteous, to prepare a people fit for the Lord.” Then Zechariah said to the angel, “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years.” And the angel said to him in reply, “I am Gabriel, who stand before God. I was sent to speak to you and to announce to you this good news. But now you will be speechless and unable to talk until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled at their proper time.” Meanwhile the people were waiting for Zechariah and were amazed that he stayed so long in the sanctuary. But when he came out, he was unable to speak to them, and they realized that he had seen a vision in the sanctuary. He was gesturing to them but remained mute. Then, when his days of ministry were completed, he went home. After this time his wife Elizabeth conceived, and she went into seclusion for five months, saying, “So has the Lord done for me at a time when he has seen fit to take away my disgrace before others.”
I cannot find anything anywhere telling me how old Elizabeth was when this happened, but I am going to guess 30's was considered "old age" back then. Didn't people get married at like 12? So, I think I can apply this situation to myself and say that nothing is impossible for God and that he can make this "old lady" pregnant. Lord, I hope so!
Another thing that hit me about this reading is the disbelief of Zechariah, as that is, if I'm honest with myself, how I feel. It is so hard for me to trust God, to trust that he will fix things. I know that not being able to trust is part of my root sin, pride. I have never been able to trust others to get the job done. I always hated group assignments in school because I would end up doing all the work while the others played around. I don't trust my husband to pay the bills, so I handle all of the banking. And, while I pray and pray and pray, I don't know if I really believe God will help me. I want Him too, I know that much. But, I think I probably stand in constant "prove it" mode. I don't know how to fix that either, as it seems to be simply my personality. I try all the time to let things go and give them to God. Often at mass, I imagine zipping open my skull and pulling out all my thoughts, desires, worries, wants, etc., and dumping them on the altar. A religious lobotomy, I guess is what you would call that. Then, I imagine cutting open my chest and pulling out the desires of my heart and laying those on the altar. Then, I feel like I could happily go about my life not wanting or stressing about anything, and just letting whatever happened happen. I have those intentions, but it never works that way.
I think I should pray to my guardian angel to help me with this. I was just reading about guardian angels last night and learned that they are always ready to help us, but we never ask. So, Bernard, get ready, you're going to have quite a task list. :)