I hate needles. I always have. They get me worked up. I remember getting an immunization once when I was a kid, and I got so anxious about it that I had a nosebleed right there sitting on the table even before they stuck the needle in my arm. Blood just poured out, apparently due to the fact that my blood pressure got so high that the blood had to go somewhere. I had never had a nosebleed before, and I have never had one since. Still, though, I am afraid of needles. I once had a phlebotomist meanly laugh at me while I was crying as she drew my blood. That was only a couple of years ago. I know, I'm an adult and I should be more rational about this fear, but the fear is just a part of me. In my mind, the lady that draws your blood is a vampire.
So, why am I even considering acupuncture? Because I'm stressed out. I always have been. It's my personality to be stressed. I'm working on it; I'm trying to let go and let God. I guess it's party of my root sin, pride, to be stressed out all the time. But, I have always been this way, even as a kid. I can remember being so worried as a kid that the house might burn down one day that I had a bag of clothes packed and hid under my bed and a plan to throw my little rocking chair through the window to break it so that I could take my little bag of clothes and climb out of the window to escape the fire. I can remember that every time my mom would pull up to a store and run in, leaving my sisters and me in the car, I would hide in the floor board, afraid that someone might kidnap me. I would be there, crouching in the floorboard, crying and begging my sisters to hide too.
My anxiety and fear spurred me on to go through college and law school, always fearful that if I did not make a career for myself, I might end up living in a ditch. This anxiety has now apparently caused me to develop Thyroid System Dysfunction. Great. I need to do something about this stress, but what? I truly feel like unless I win the lottery and go live on a tropical island, I am going to be stressed. I am working on giving it all over to God. I pray constantly every day for God to take all these worries away, and for the ability to trust that all will be fine. I'm working on living Padre Pio's phrase, "Pray and don't worry." I've read and re-read "Abandonment to Divine Providence." Obviously, I'm a work in progress, and I am trying to "let it be."
In the meantime, I wonder if acupuncture might help? It seems hokie, and I'm usually against anything "new age," but I have heard of a lot of people trying it when they are going through infertility treatments. I have heard over and over again that stress is "bad" for your fertility. I want to get rid of the stress. Trust me, it is not fun being anxious all of the time. So, I wonder, could one of the things I'm most afraid of, the scary sharp needle, be the thing that helps me abandon my stress, anxiety, and fears?