CD1 is here, and I'm kind of glad this one is over. It was a mess. I don't know what is going on with my body. This cycle, Dr. H had wanted me to not take the Clo.mid, but continue everything else. Well, I did that, but forgot about the Bi.axin, so my husband and I didn't take that this cycle. Things seemed to be going pretty normal until peak +2, when I had red spotting for 3 days. That stopped once I started the hcg injections and progesterone suppositories. I don't know if it was a progesterone issue or something else. We will see what Dr. H says.
Maybe it was a good thing I didn't have the Bi.axin on CD1-10 because I have been on some strong antibiotics the past couple of weeks. Warning TMI, but I started having bloody poo and bloody diarrhea from around Christmas and continuing today. Turns out, I have some kind of GI infection. So, I was on ci.pro for a week. It started to get better towards the end of that prescription, but the problem got back into full swing once the prescription was over. So, I was started on fla.gyl earlier this week. I think this is a super strong antibiotic, because they warned me not to even drink cough syrup or I will get violently sick. So, no wine for me for the next 2 weeks! What am I going to do?!
I hope these antibiotics clear the problem up. If they don't, my doctor says they are going to have to do a co.lo.nos.copy. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, with all this mess going on, I'm not surprised that we did not get pregnant this cycle. That did not stop me from getting depressed over the las few days, though. One sister in law had her 4th child last weekend, and the bellies of the other sisters in law who are pregnant are really showing. It's just depressing to be getting left further and further behind. I also feel so freaking old. 33! I look back at when we were married and think how I was only 28 and so certain I would be pregnant in one month. Sigh. It's been hard being at mass the last couple of weeks. I wish they didn't have to place a basket up front for all the kids to run up and put their little dollars in. I swear! Do I have to have other peoples' kids rubbed in my face?! It's also hard to always hear the petitions being read for pregnant women, the unborn, parents, etc. Can I get a prayer for the barren, please? Can I not be the forgotten?
Oh, and there has just been so much in the news, radio, and tv that has irritated me. Stories of people who had two ab.ort.ions when they were young, and they feel sorry about it, and now have two children. People doing I.V.F. and having babies. Sa.me s.ex couples getting donor sp.erm and having babies. I know the Lord showers his gifts on all regardless of the wrongs they commit because he is so loving, but it sure feels like I'm getting the short end of the stick while trying to abide by His rules.
Lord, please deliver me from these feelings and this infertility. Have mercy on me.
I know what you mean...I remember hearing all those prayers in church too and wondering where the prayers for the infertiles were.
ReplyDeleteEw, flagyl!! I had to be on that when I had my infection and it was horrible! It's the worst tasting pill I've ever ever had!!! You are a trooper! Hopefully it helps ya.
So sorry you are feeling so sick! It's so, so, so, so, so hard to wait, especially when there are reminders all around you. I have a co-worker who got PG with donor sperm and it's tough for me. I just try to remember like the song lyrics say, "the greatest treasure remains for those who gladly choose You now". Stay strong! The Lord is pleased that you cherish life so much.
ReplyDeleteThe bleeding (of all kinds) is odd. Oh, I'm so sorry. Just when one thing works, another problem presents itself. I swear, this type of thing happens to me too.
ReplyDeleteYour comment: "I know the Lord showers his gifts on all regardless of the wrongs they commit because he is so loving, but it sure feels like I'm getting the short end of the stick while trying to abide by His rules." Ummmmm, YES! How did you pick this out of my head? I totally feel like this sometimes. Its got to be so, so hard watching *multiple* in-laws birth children ... I have to only deal with one ... so I can understand your depression on that.
I also have to agree with the prayers for all but the barren too. You are right ... we seem to be omitted, but I know there's more barren people than most people realize.
I agree with Ania ... continue to stay strong in your faith. Its *SO* hard sometimes, but have faith that God will reward you abundantly. In the meantime, know that you have my prayers ... and that I'll be pulling on God's ear for you.
I'm very sorry you're not feeling well both physically and emotionally. I'm 34 so I get what you're saying about age concern. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! I am so sorry that you're sick. Praying for you to get better, and back on the baby-making train. I hope you don't have to have a colonoscopy!
ReplyDeleteMany in-laws having babies at once must be so frustrating and overwhelming. I'm so sorry. The other things you mention upsetting you upset me, too. It's hard not to let them. ::hug:: You are living your faith, and God loves you for that! We do, too!
I'm so sorry that you're having problems "down there." I have ulcerative colitis and I've had my share of problems in that region.
ReplyDeleteIf you end of getting a colonoscopy, I can give you pointers. I've had four -- something that is both sad and strange for someone my age.
Ugh! Hope stuff clears up soon, because that's not fun! I hear you about getting tired of being forgotten.
ReplyDeleteOh ugh! I don't know how you are able to deal with all of this...I'm annoyed that I'm getting a cold on top of my surgery healing...and then I read this and realize I need to get over myself. Instead of whining about my sore throat, I am offering it up for healing for you!
ReplyDeleteI totally get you on the last paragraph...to think, there are actually people out there who get pregnant *easily*...I can't even imagine what that must be like. Prayers for you!