Ok, remember how I said my husband's family is super duper fertile? Well, it has happened again. Another one of them is pregnant again. This one is her 7th! Yes, you heard that right, 7th! And, her last baby is only at most 5 months old. You heard that right, too. Come on! Really?! From here on out, I should just assume and operate as if all of them are pregnant at all times. That way, it won't be news for me and I won't care. I have lost track of how many are currently pregnant, and it is nearly all of them, so I will just assume everyone.
I am trying not to be bitter about it, but it is hard! It is hard when I just want at least one, and she's got 7. I know I shouldn't compare and all that holy stuff, but this hurts. I am doing everything I am supposed to do. Eating the organic, anti-inflammatory foods, which are ridiculously expensive. Spending around $500 a month on meds and chart reviews, enduring needle prods every month when I am terrified of needles. And praying, praying, praying. If I could just not have to take all the meds, that would ease the pain of it a little. It scares me when I actually start thinking how much all of this is costing. And it stinks to be on meds constantly. Can I please, pretty please, just be normal? Please? Can the natural and normal consequence of relations happen for me at least once, please?
And can people stop announcing their pregnancies to me in the meantime? I know that will never happen. So, I guess I will go through my day assuming that every woman I encounter is pregnant. All of them. Congratulations, women of the world!
I know exactly how you feel. Hugs and prayers for you!
ReplyDeleteUgh, that's hard! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteOh how these words resonate for me, just wanting one day of 'normal' one day of actually thinking that intercourse truly does result in babies.
ReplyDeleteA Monday pregnancy announcement at work nearly broke me and contributed to my melt down yestrday as it was from a man whose wife just got a BFP...literally that morning, and hearing the excitement in his voice and knowing, somehow knowing deep within me, that there is a good chance The Man may never get that day...it's more than I can take at this point.
Praying for you friend and so grateful for your sweet comments to me yesterday.
I remember feeling those exact feelings so many times. It's hard not to feel upset at the lack of "balance" in the fertility world. You hear about someone getting pregnant with #7 and you can't help but think, "Are you kidding me??"
ReplyDeleteI sometimes feel like God is asking us to endure too much for his sake.
ReplyDeleteI know how much it hurts to see others growing their families while we wait in the dark.
Praying that at the end of all this suffering there will be immense joy!
It hurts when people around me turn up pregnant. I'm really trying SO HARD to keep my bitterness at a low level. I just get so angry! People I went to high school are with are on 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, and I'm struggling with #1. I had to delete my Facebook app on my phone, because it seemed like every day I checked it, someone new was pregnant, and I was in tears.
ReplyDeleteLike you said, we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, but it's just so hard not to! It's a daily struggle for me to accept this journey that God has us on. Why me? When there are people are get pregnant while they aren't trying, when there are people who get pregnant after the "first time" *ahem, Teen Mom/Sixteen & Pregnant* , and I'm doing everything the right way, and I want a child and it just won't happen for us!
Sorry, this comment turned out to be way too long, but the point of it is to say, you're not alone in feeling the way you do!
It's so hard not to compare when we're conditioned to it from day one. We are compared by developmental milestones as infants and toddlers, against our peers in school so it's no wonder we continue it into adulthood. I have to constantly remind myself that life is not a competition.
ReplyDelete7, how do you even compete with that? I have a similar situation, my DH's family has one aunt who had her 8th a year ago and one who had a 7th around the same time. Someone's always pregnant.
BTW I love the "all that holy stuff" comment...you crack me up. What's life without growth though, right? It's so hard to be graceful about it too. Hang in there!
Wow, your in-laws ARE super fertile. I have no idea why it is so easy for some people. Every time my husband and I have a social event of some sort I predict which women will be pregnant. I always overestimate because it makes the pain a little less.....
ReplyDeleteYou are saying the words I want to say ... stop telling me you are pregnant!!! Ugh. They are such little words with such a BIG power to hurt. I'm so, so sorry. I know it hurts so bad.
ReplyDeleteBeing pg with #7 is unreal. Just unreal.
You are in my prayers, bigtime. (((HUGS)))
Also, thank you for the sweet comments on my last post. They really, really helped.